Broken Strength


“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”  ― Brené Brown

I am of the opinion that being honest about our frailty, our weakness, our vulnerabilities is part of what makes us strong in the end.  Embracing our brokenness is an element of what actually makes us whole.  Admitting that we don’t ‘have it all together’ is actually a crucial part of what God may want to do to ‘bring it all together’.  When you live under Grace, strength and competency is not a requirement.  #thankGod

Why pretend?  Why put on a false-self just to please others and their judgment of you?  Why show others an imposter that’s not the real you? If they do return the affirmation you crave they still aren’t affirming the real you; just the imposter you put out there for them to accept.  If it’s not you, it won’t satisfy, you will be left in the same discontentment of your folly. It’s not strong to pretend, it’s a fearful reaction to potential rejection.

You want to be a strong leader?  Act powerfully, and it starts with living with, in and through your own vulnerability.  People aren’t looking for leaders who play ‘make believe’ about their real selves, they are looking for the compelling experience of raw authenticity and it’s a rare thing.  People need a leader they can relate to but are living beyond them so that they can lead them to a land they’ve not yet been.  If you are pretending about your own self, as Brennan Manning puts it: ‘you are handing out travel brochures to places you’ve never been.’   

There’s a beauty and a strength in brokenness.  It requires inner strength and confidence to admit weakness, to risk rejection, to put our real selves ‘out there’.  It requires that you are rooted in another place than the affection of your followers, it requires that your identity is rooted somewhere else than in the acceptance of others.  It’s a confidence in who you are and who you belong to no matter what the crowds say.  It’s a place of raw, holy and Broken Strength.  

If you learn to live there, there is nothing that can move you.  Nothing.  Anchor down in Broken Strength.  

“Our life is full of brokenness – broken relationships, broken promises, broken expectations. How can we live with that brokenness without becoming bitter and resentful except by returning again and again to God’s faithful presence in our lives.” – Henri Nouwen

Missional Communities: trouble-makers or church?

occRobert Dale states: “New paradigms always create translation challenges especially for the church, a conserving institution by definition. The church has too rarely anticipated challenges and changes. We have been tempted to live in a world that no longer exists. Consequently, the future has too often surprised the church.”
The vocation of the church to embody the very Kingdom of God
‘on earth as it is in heaven’ is far too high a calling to not respond to these shifts with a sense of purpose and complete mission.
Significant breakthroughs in ideas, thoughts and new constructs of organization do not happen overnight. Thomas Kuhn suggests that scientific discoveries rarely happen as a natural outgrowth of the previous knowledge base, but rather by means of peripheral
‘revolutions.’ There tend to be a few individuals who begin to perceive reality in ways qualitatively different than the established mindset of those practicing ‘normal science.’
The need for change comes from a small group of ‘pioneers’
who sense that the existing model is“riddled with anomalies and is unable to solve emerging problems.” Historically within the church, those thinking pioneers are not seen as helpful to the mission of the future but rather as distracting voices and perceived as ‘troublemakers’ within the religious system.
It is my view  that the pastoral leader of the future cannot be tethered to a desire to be fully accepted by the established thought of the day in exchange for the pursuit of a calling to incarnate Gospel communities where they are not presently flourishing. Pioneers are needed to seek new lands and opportunities, by nature they do not add to the present establishment. The church can no longer be seen as an entity located in a single facility or an institutional organization and its related activities, but must now be transformed into a gathered people in community as well as a ‘sent’ people with a common calling and vocation.  The large centralized institutions of the past built on the tenets of ‘modernism’ with its Enlightenment gods of science, technology and industrialization are increasingly losing their magic.
By definition, a missional community is a ‘sent’ people. They are fast, mobile and resourceful. They can adapt and change according to
the land and climate. Missional communities are a gathered people on pilgrimage together. They are the Ekklesia ‘called out’ of the world and then sent back into the world; “foreignness is an element of its constitution.”
A pilgrim people is rooted in the mentality of only habitating a temporary residence, they are on the move have no fixed abode.
If the people are pilgrims and on the move, this would necessitate a pastoral leadership that is also incarnational in its time and space. There is increasingly a movement away from a monopoly of ordained men who hold the power seats of Ekklesia and do the work of the ministry on behalf of the whole people of God. A generation of pastors are leaving a vocational presence within Ekklesia and going on the move with the rest of the people on mission. Leaders are incarnating their vocation within the culture in order to offer the ministry of Ekklesia in the “ongoing life of the Christian community in shops, villages, farms, cities, classrooms, homes, law offices, in counseling, politics, statecraft and recreation.”
Many are finding that it is no longer adequate for the minister to function primarily within the professional role of being the preacher,
administrator of programs and counselor for the flock. Rather, they are sensing a calling to lead the Ekklesia within the reality of being a church without walls and seek employment in culture where they can engage seekers and the unchurched.
There is a movement from an emphasis on professional clergy, who are center stage in the singularity of the gathered church event, to
“Christian professionals who are ministering in the world and in the marketplace.” Many are finding their calling not in being a pastor to the community, but by locating themselves vocationally as a mission outpost within the community.
Missional Communities, they are a thing.  Trouble-makers or church?  I’ll write more about them . . . . or just move on.

Pastoring is a gift, not a job


“He handed out gifts above and below, filled heaven with his gifts, filled earth with his gifts. He handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor-teacher to train Christ’s followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ’s body, the church, until we’re all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God’s Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.” -Ephesians 4:11-13 (The Message)

This is a topic I know a little bit about.  I have 3 professional pastoral degrees . . . 3.  Undergrad in Student Ministry, Masters of Divinity and a Doctorate in Ministry; all from accredited Universities and Seminaries.  However, about 16-17 years ago, I fired myself from pastoring being my ‘paid’ vocation and I became bi-vocational.  I really dislike the term ‘bi-vocational’, it supposes some nice and clean sectioned identities where your pastoral open sign is on or off.  The apostle Paul talked about a trade he had in tent-making to support himself financially so that he would not be a burden to the people he was called to serve with his pastoral gifts.  Over the past 16-17 years, I have been a: manager, educator,  administrator, advisor, consultant, estimator, writer, speaker, coach and customer service rep.  All of those things have paid me $ to support my habit of using my gifts to lead, serve and teach the Church.

Why?  For me it has been both strategic and personal.  The majority of the context of people I serve have been hurt by the church, are skeptical of the church, have lost trust in the church or believe the connection of church and money is a conflict of interest.  If I cared about my neighbors, I needed to remove the barrier of $ and my care for them.  I didn’t want my message of care to be tied to anything else other than I genuinely care because the goodness of God flows through me.  No unnecessary barriers, just opportunity and conversation about what is real and true in life, trust could be earned again.  Secondly, I had a dream of doing church without $.  What could it look like to not have any bills or overhead so that 100% of our collected giving could go towards missional needs in the community?  In the 15 years of Ordinary Community Church, even as a small community, we have given away over $100k towards needs because we have no bills.  A church without walls, without borders and without overhead.

This is not the ideal model, it is just one of many forms the church can take in the early 21st century.  Nothing wrong with paid pastors or church overhead, just know that every choice and decision we make around $ makes an immediate statement to our ministry context and cultural identity.  Pastoring has become big business in many ways, particularly in the US.  It is not uncommon for large churches to pay tens of thousands of dollars in search consulting fees to help find the next talent to feed the sheep.  There is a church corporate ladder to climb just like in any other industry and I’m not even judging that, it’s probably a natural flow of the right people getting to the right fits.  I just get really uncomfortable when I hear pastoring being equated with a job.  A pastoral salary is not an entitlement.  Would you do it if you never got paid?

Why be a tent-maker?:

  • Longevity and sustainability, finances of church do not depend on support
  • Leaders invested in tangible community, builds trusts and adds credibility
  • Be missional – ‘Pay the price  to understand a people until they know that you understand them’
  • Pastor not seen as a CEO leader, not a consumer relationship of an exchange of goods and services
  • Eliminates divide between sacred and secular
  • Will Gen X and Millenials financially support large church structures and organizations in the future given their skepticism towards institutions and consumption patterns?  (Will the $ even be there in the future when Baby Boomers and Builders pass on?)

Pastoring is not a job, it’s a gifting to act on everywhere and with everyone.  It’s a life of service to give away, there is not entitlement in it.  Our job is to deny ourselves, serve an unseen God by loving a seen people right in front of us.

Count Leo Tolstoy said it well: “All men are to be loved equally. But since you can not do good to all, you are to pay special regard to those who, by the accidents of time, or place, or circumstance, are brought into close connection with you.”  You don’t have a job, you have a gift, go use it.

Nothing wrong with a safe life, it’s just Boring


The Nordic Vikings of old had a term we Anglo-Saxons translate as “Berserk”.  ‘Bersekr’ literally means ‘bear shirt’ or one who would run into battle in a crazed confidence wearing only the animal skin as armor.  Not a safe life, but a confident one.

I’m not advocating a Viking lifestyle, generally we have evolved in our domestic and international diplomatic relations past shield walls and pillaging.  The old world of desperation and scarce resources has been replaced with modern comforts and a surplus of goods.  But I do want to speak against narratives of safety, security, small thinking and small living.  We don’t have to settle for the safe, we can step onto the field with a fierce confidence and stare an enemy in the face. Life doesn’t have to be boring, we can choose to go Bersekr’ .

We can choose the safe life that’s largely all about us and our comforts and security, that’s the mythology of the American Dream. The more as a culture we pursue this dream, the more our use of anti-depressants is rising; correlation?   Is it possible we just have all the wrong dreams?  What we thought would make us happy, content, purposeful, fulfilled are not the things we are pursuing at all?  Something deep inside us wants to armor-up and go ‘Bersekr’ but we are choosing the fool’s gold of the American dream.  There is nothing wrong with a safe life, it’s just boring.  😉

10 years ago this past March, I lost one of my best friends to colon cancer at the age of 32. I visited his grave this week and it got me thinking.  His name was Mark Palmer and he was as much my friend as he was a co-mentor in my life.  We filled that role for one another.  I walked with him as he grieved the loss of his 26 yr. old wife to stomach cancer.  I walked with him as he suffered through his own battle against cancer.  What I observed in my friend was a heart of courage that would never give up on his fierce commitment to hope for himself and the community he loved so much.  He gave up the pursuit of the American Dream of comfort in order to live in solidarity with the poverty and suffering of his neighbors.  He made it his life and calling to mentor young hearts who were filled with angst, passion, talent and pain and dreamed for a better world.   He lived his life on purpose.  He got 32 years to ‘Bersekr’ in his own giftedness and then he gracefully passed over the veil to the reality of another Kingdom in fullness.

Friends, we get one life.  ONE!  We will be buried not with any of our creature comforts and not with one of our retirement benefits, not with any piece of security.  All that the American Dream offers us, we get buried with none of it.  It’s a fool’s gold, a chasing after the wrong dreams.  We live in a broken world crying out for hope, leadership, courage, peace, goodness and the identity shaping of fierce community.  You can live a safe life, it’s just boring.  You can choose to go ‘Bersekr’ and make a difference with your one wild and precious life like no one else with your skill-set can.  Oh the stories people will tell at your funeral, it won’t be about your stuff, it will be about your amazing life and battles won for the good of all.  We get one life, choose wisely, all of life depends on it.


“I guess what I really want to say is this: be hopeful. Don’t stop fighting. On some level this thing is bigger than all of us. It’s not about having a wife die of cancer at 26, and then 2 years later getting the same terminal illness. It’s not about me and how I fight this disease or how our little family walks through it. The bigger picture is the battle against sickness and death that we all face because we live in a broken world. But it’s even more about the Kingdom that has broken in and offers us a chance at relief from that disease. It offers health and victory where before there was none. There is hope in the midst of hopelessness. Death is not where we lose; the onset of hopelessness is the great defeater. So allow hope to rise up within you. And when it seems that hopefulness is the least appropriate response in this situation, let it rise up even more. Whisper your hope when you lie down at night; scream your hope when you wake in the morning. Live your hope as if it is the one and only thing that sustains you in this ravaged world. You will not be disappointed.

-Mark Palmer, last blog post before he passed 3/25/06

“Do not be an accuser of my Provision” -God

accuserrHad a great opportunity last week as a part of a course I’m facilitating for Masters of Ministry students to spend a day outside at a contemplative retreat center.  We had two 3 hour blocks of time for rest, silence and solitude.  Even though I’m an extreme extrovert, I enjoy times to get away and just listen, think and pray.  I found a great spot by myself next to the water in the shade (pictured above) to do some thinking.

It seems that I had quite an agenda, instead of listening, I did a lot of talking.  I was anxious, nervous, unsettled and a bit scared.  Last week was the first week in my 25 years of ministry life and 23 years of marriage that I did not bring home a paycheck.  Severance is done and unemployment has not kicked in yet and so all provision was outside my control.  I’m wired as a leader, doer, starter and ‘make things happen’ kind of guy.  As far I as I knew, nothing was happening in the way I understood it.  So I let God know I was anxious and worried . . .

When you get away and get quiet, sometimes God says things really clearly and this is exactly what I heard:

Do Not Be An Accuser of My Provision!”

God directed to me to my iPhone app. for our coffee store that we just launched that shows our daily, weekly and monthly sales.  (Does God speak through iPhone apps??  That’s another blog idea) He said, ‘count it up’.   So I did . . . the results were that it appeared the total of our ‘random’ coffee sales for the week came to the total of my previous paycheck.  Gross mind you, not even Net, God didn’t take any taxes out.  “Chris, do not be an accuser of my provision!” Translation:  Chris, trust me.

At that point I slowed down my thinking more, started listening more and looked around me.  I started noticing things I hadn’t before:  ants carrying dinner and supplies to their home, turtles sunning on the river rocks, trees waving in the wind protecting me from the sun, a snake skin shed and left near my feet, fish bubbling at the surface of the water and birds flying overhead.  I was sitting in an entire ecosystem of provision and design.  Everyday, day in and day out, for millions of years, the Creation receives it’s provision from it’s Creator.  Who am I to be anxious?

Our culture tells us and shouts to us our entitlements.  Tells us what we deserve, what we have coming to us, what we should demand, what we should control, what we should store up, what we should  hoard so that we won’t be vulnerable.  We get to choose a mentality of abundance or scarcity.  Is the provision of God’s created world for me scarce and I should fight for resources, or is it abundant and I should trust Him at His feasting table?  Do I trust Him and His provision for me and my family?  The issue is of course trust.

You get to choose the voices you listen to and trust.  You get to choose the source of your wisdom.  The culture says the resources of our world are scarce.  The Creator says his Creation is abundant and it can be trusted.  I’m going with the original source.  No longer an accuser, I’m grateful today.  I’m learning to trust.

30-33 “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. 34 “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.  – Mathew 6:30-34 (The Message)

‘Give Thanks Until you Become Thanks’


“Give thanks until you become thanks” – Graham Cooke

It seems when we are at our most desperate, when our backs are really against the wall, that we get to make brave decisions about what is true and valuable, and what really isn’t.  My wife and I put our heads on our pillows tonight in the reality that we will wake in the morning for the first time in 23 years of marriage without full-time income.  This wasn’t our plan, but we’ve never put much value in our plans.  When we married, we gave vows to each other and before our God and we said some things we really meant.  That we would serve Him no matter what the circumstances and that it would be the same in our heart whether in sickness or health, in poverty as in wealth.  He’s kept his side of the bargain, and we’re keeping ours.

Our thoughts tonight are not those of despair, anger or loneliness.  No, that’s not how communion with the Creator works.  His world is abundant resources, authentic community, unlimited power, extravagant grace, unmerited mercy and abounding love.   Income or no income, we get a seat at His table and His table is lavish feast.  He’s never let us go, He’s never left us alone, His presence is the air we are to breathe.

I get what Graham is trying to say, ‘give thanks until you become thanks.‘  We get to choose what we attach our attention and allegiance to.  We can make attachments with our problems, our circumstances, our limitations, our short-comings, our trials, our bills etc. and wallow in the pity of what isn’t working out.  OR we can choose to not make our agreements there, and rather ‘set our minds on things above’  where the resources to change our situation are.  We can attach our attention, our attitude, our mind, our heart, our very soul to the feasting table of the Kingdom of God.  While we wait, we have amazing company at that table.  It’s our life, it’s true life.  And . . . it’s enough.

There is an enemy who used to feast on my predisposition to depression, to darkness, to isolation, to destruction . . .  but I don’t feel like making those choices anymore.  I’m giving thanks until I become thanks and I hope that really pisses him off.  He kept me in bondage to spirals of negativity for as long as I can remember and so tonight on behalf of my family and our future, I declare vengeance over the enemy’s plans.  Our focus, attention and allegiance is fixated on the One who made all, governs all and is making all things new.  Thankfulness is an act of war; vengeance is choosing these things.

I don’t know how long our situation will remain the same.  I don’t know if it will be hours, days, weeks, months or years.  I just know that when I give thanks until I become thanks that I experience peace, power, perspective and abundant joy.  Sitting at His table is an awful lot of fun no matter what circumstances I’m in.  In His Kingdom and at His table; I’m filthy rich.  That’s all we need, it’s enough.

“1-2 So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective.” -Colossians 3 (The Message)

A Paycheck is Not a Big Enough Idea


What if I told you that you’ve been lied to?   That the American Dream is a myth meant to enslave you to a life of consumption that makes you dependent on systems of control and the illusion of personal choice.   That the ‘good life’ is not good at all; not for our health, our sense of peace, our experience of joy or our personal power to be a part of something greater than ourselves.  Living the ‘good life’ was what it meant to be truly American. It is this idea that has grown like a virus in the American worldview; the American dream is now a benchmark cultural assumption about how the world works.  . . . As the narrator says in Fight Club: “We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.”  But it doesn’t work, because getting a paycheck is not a big enough idea.

The existential questions of humanity are the same at any point in time within recorded history. They are the same in any economy, in any political system and within the context of any particular culture. The questions may vary in importance, however they typically carry the thematic structure of the following: Who am I? Where did I come from? What is my purpose? Where do I find meaning? Is this all there is? What happens when I die?

These questions outline the longings of our human hearts; they dictate what we organize our lives around. The answers to these profound ponderings become formative attachments psychologically, spiritually, emotionally and then deeply influence the pragmatic choices of our physical lives. We organize our lives around what we believe to be true and meaningful, the cost is really high about how we answer these critical questions.

You get a paycheck to live, but what do you want to do with your life?  How do you want it defined?  You get to choose your attention and investment, what do you want out of it?  For the love of God, don’t let the stupidity of our culture and consumer markets dictate that for you.  You get to choose, so what do you want to do?  You want to earn up enough over a lifetime, save up enough so that you can stop working for the last 30 years of your life and collect shells on the beach?  Nothing wrong with that, it’s just boring.  😉

I think you were designed to count, and count quite uniquely.  You are wired to matter.  Dallas Willard said it this way:  “As water is meant to run downhill, so you were destined to count.”  A Paycheck doesn’t make you count or matter, it just helps you live.  It’s the choices of your life that help you experience meaning, purpose and  well-designed empassioned mission.   Our consumer culture is a system of control and it doesn’t satisfy; it is designed to keep you wanting more because in the end, it’s a bankrupt set of ideals.  It’s all the wrong dreams, all the wrong goals and all the wrong living.  You were meant for more giving, not getting, and it’s at your fingertips to choose and experience.  Don’t settle for anything less.  You have one life, one chance for real living, a paycheck is not a big enough idea for you.

My wife and I have re-designed our entire life and budget.   Today is the last day of my severance pay from my full-time job.  We are now embarking into the reality of purpose and life in the hands of the God who made us, designed us and calls us to live a life of purpose and great meaning.  We are no longer defined by a paycheck, we are free to work at the callings deep on our heart for justice, community, truth, love and a dangerous call of hope.  A paycheck is not a big enough idea when there is a call to love the orphan, the widow, the lonely, the oppressed, the poor, the captives etc.  We want to live life on purpose, not for a paycheck.  Income helps us live, it doesn’t define us, our life defines us. How do you want to live?

Choose to be dangerous, choose for your life to count, choose hope. You won’t be disappointed.

קַדֵּשׁ ‘Qadash’ – Preparation is No Joke


קַדֵּשׁ – Qadash  (Imperative masculine singular) is the Hebrew term for being ‘set apart’ or to ‘consecrate’.  As mentioned in Joshua 7:13:  

13 “So get started. Purify the people. Tell them: Get ready for tomorrow by purifying yourselves. For this is what God, the God of Israel, says: There are cursed things in the camp. You won’t be able to face your enemies until you have gotten rid of these cursed things. – Joshua 7:13 (The Message)

What do you do before you begin something really challenging?  What does preparation look like for you?  How do you get ready?  What clears your focus?  What sharpens your intentions?  What readies your steps?  What prepares your heart, mind and soul?  What trains your body?  What boosts your energy?  What secures your plans?  What increases your capacity?  etc. etc.

What we know is that preparation matters, it’s no joke.   Those that just show up without preparation are usually those that leave the race early.  They start out strong, but they invested nothing in their energy and endurance bank for the long haul.   When it comes time to pull from the bank when things get hard, they are bankrupt of energy and fall to the wayside allowing others to pass.  Typically, the difference between people who ‘dream’ and people who ‘experience their dreams’ is a matter of discipline and preparation.  Thomas Edison once said it this way:  “We should remember that good fortune often happens when opportunity meets with preparation.”   

Every challenge before us is opportunity, opportunity to ‘qadash’.  Opportunity to not try and fit in, but opportunity to be ‘set apart’.  For spiritual leaders, often our call from God in terms of ‘qadash’ has to do with morality and character.  We claim to represent the One who created and permeates the world with goodness and joy, is this same goodness and joy in us?  If not, then Qadash.  The world is wrecked with brokenness, evil and violence, do we have a present tense response of courage and hope?  If not, then Qadash.  Jesus’ most basic teaching was about a denial of self, how do you portray yourself to others?  Do you gather power or disperse it?  Do you have a need to be needed?  Do you need to be at the center of attention?  Do you have to be on the stage/pedestal?  Is it about you or others?  If it’s not of Him, then Qadash.

This Qadash kind of preparation is no joke, it’s of biblical proportion.  It can be a desert experience, God is not afraid to push us into exile for some good old fashioned preparation.  He is not afraid of our pain, it’s for our own good.  He wants to lead us to an inheritance set before us, but we have to be prepared for it.  Recently, God ripped me out of my comfort zone for some time in Qadash and He isn’t done yet.   I’m beginning to no longer focus on the pain of the desert but on the excitement of the next assignment.  This time of preparation has a purpose,  and it’s between me and Him to journey that bad-boy out.   I’m not going into the next challenge of my life without some new armor to put on, some new tools in toolbox, some more capacity to run a strong race.  This comes from a proper Qadash.  It’s purposeful time of preparation.  Let’s get on with it.


Entrepreneur – Teacher – Writer – Pastor