Hurry Back to Me, My Wild Callin’ . . . (Flogging Molly)

callingFor years I have preached and taught this idea . . . “dreams are something you have, ‘callings’ are something that have you.”  

I had a conversion-like experience at the age of 17, it was both spiritual and existential.  I felt alone, abandoned, abused and discarded.  But I had a personal-like experience with an unseen God.  It was like in a moment, He satisfied all of the questions my active mind was asking and then He showed up and quenched the thirst of my parched soul.  I may have felt true love for the first time that night.  I was suicidal, wrapped up in pain.  I put the pills down and chose to enter into relationship with this unseen God.

The moment I chose to receive this mysterious love, I received a “calling” that gripped my life and embedded a conviction to action that has defined me.   I chose to embody the life I always wished someone else had shown me.  I wanted to be the leader I never had.  This ‘calling’ has not made me famous or made me a fortune, in fact it has invited me into the world of anonymity and not fitting in within a world of competing values than that of the Kingdom of God.  But I’m mostly grateful because the things I have done and the things I have attempted, I did with a clear conscience and a desire to bring the world more of the goodness of the One who created us all.

I am now in a space of questioning my original ‘calling’.  Perhaps not so much in leaving it, but allowing it to grow out of it’s original cocoon and transform into something new.  Things are not as I suppose they would be but in their own way, they are quite beautiful.  I have no regrets and no complaints, but my heart desires to be free.  I want to see the future as a purposeful and heartfelt intention towards meaning and soulful work.  My life is at least more than half over, I want it all to count.  The darkness in this world needs light.

So ‘hurry back to me, my wild callin’, but not my old calling, a new one that I don’t have capacity to grab onto but rather one that is untamed and wants to grab a hold of me.  Life is a mystery, I don’t want a box of known outcomes, I want the adventure of discovery and deep learnings.  God cannot be tamed, He is wild, but I’ve learned He is good.  Hurry Back . . .

 

When Abuse is all the News . . . I believe you

believe

To the victims of abuse, I believe you.

From Roy Moore, to Harvey Weinstein, to Louis C.K., to President Trump, to Kevin Spacey to US Gymnasts  . . . . .  the news of sexual assault, sexual abuse and the misuse of power and influence is all the rage.  The human stories have become rhetoric in a mass of information culture wars and political ideologies.   To protect wealth, power, prestige and status, the accused double down in their darkness through the denials and shaming of victims.  There is not a perfect judge on earth, one day there will be reckoning for us all.   We get to choose what side we want to be on for that day of righteousness.

Thy hype, the rhetoric, the 24 hr news stories do something quite different for the survivors of abuse.  They are not news stories, they are auto-biographies.  The stories act as a trigger to latent memories when no one believed them.  The fresh written descriptors online about someone else’s horrific night cease being about the other and become a reliving of their own trauma.  PTSD and Secondary Trauma are unintentional consequences for the survivors when Abuse is all the news.   

They don’t see someone else’s story, they see their own again.  It’s memories of a face, of a room, of a time, of a smell, of a feeling, of a touch, of a boundary crossed, of powerlessness, of shame, of denial, of secrecy, of protection, of physical pain, of emotional confusion, of psychological hell, of cover-ups and perhaps most insidious of all the evil, the reliving that no one believed them.

If this is you, I am sorry.  I believe you.  You deserved more.  It wasn’t your fault.  The shame isn’t yours.  You can love again.  You are not alone.  You survived for a reason.  You are so much more than a survivor.  There is hope.

When Abuse is ALL THE NEWS . . . I believe you.  #metoo

The Sound and Value of Silence

silence

Celtic Daily Prayer – Today’s Meditation

“If I chose to hide you away, it is for a reason.
I have brought you to this place.
Drink in the silence. Seek solitude.

Listen to the silence.

It will teach you. It will build strength
Let others share it with you.
It is little to be found elsewhere.

Silence will speak more to you in a day than the world of voices can teach you in a lifetime.
Find silence. Find solitude – and having discovered her riches, bind her to your heart.”  –Frances J. Roberts

When you are in a great period of waiting as I am, there is a lot of time for silence.  I like to be active, the silence frankly scares me.  But silence is about growing up still I think.  Embrace what the silence has to say.  Go to battle with the thoughts and messages that are buried deep inside you that don’t call you the ‘beloved’.   The lies thrive in activity, silence has the power to tell you the truth.  Embrace the silence, wear it like a cloak, be immersed in deep truths.

The sound of silence is beauty, love, truth, peace and abounding contentment.  It is the way of the monk, try some ‘monking in the real world’.  Amidst the noise, embrace the silence.